Day 3

Pardon my absence, I find it hard to believe that anyone actually reads this anyway. It's just more of a personal record of my thoughts and though process. Life has suddenly become very busy. Between work, school, ultimate (which has sadly taken the back burner compared to other things), and theater I am being torn in all directions. I just can't manage to find a bit of free time outside of break, besides most of my free time over break was because I passed off my hours at work to someone else, or opted not to go on the family trip. I find that even getting a day or two here and there is helpful at this point. I don't know how I'm going to do it starting next week, where I'll have probably four days of rehearsals and two to three days of work (school Monday - Thursday from 7:30am-6pm [long because of rehearsal], school Friday from 7:30am to 4:30pm, followed immediately by work from 5pm-9:30pm or later depending on the job at hand, work Saturday from at least 11am-6pm, potentially longer and potentially work on Sunday). I can't find even a moment to take a deep breathe. Not to mention Governor's school auditions are looming ever closer...and I still haven't received my letter. I'm getting more and more nervous about the whole situation each day.

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On a smaller, and very likely brighter note, I'll be 17 in less then 48 hours. It's so hard to believe that this whole year has flown by. I even promised myself I wouldn't have a party, better yet, my friend is planning one. This means I don't have to do a thing for it, and I still get to see everyone. It's so exciting to know my friends have my back like that. This birthday, despite having to work on it, is really shaping up to be the best one I've had yet. I can revisit some awfully bad stories, so let's do that now just as a comparison.

Age 16- My last attempt to throw a party, 40+ people were invited, 5 people showed up. My mom gave me my baby clothes as a gift. This one was pretty discouraging.

Age 13- Got sick and threw up during birthday dinner at Kanki.

Age 8 or 9 (unsure)- My dad's suicide attempt came less then a week after this one. I don't even remember my birthday for this year.

Age 7- The plumbing went out in my house, totally out, with like 20 people over. My dad over-reacted, as many with clinical depression do, and trying to get a plumber out to a rural neighborhood at 10pm New Years Eve is nearly impossible.

I don't really remember my other birthdays honestly, which is such a shame. It's probably because of what happened with my Dad around the same time of year. I wish that things like that wouldn't stick with me, it would be much easier just to forget about the whole issue, or person...

 Either way, this year is definitely going to be a HUGE boost from all of those sad experiences. I can't wait for the pool, ping pong, Wii games, bonfires, fireworks, and awesome adventures with my friends. It's going to be amazing, even possibly epic.