Day 3

Pardon my absence, I find it hard to believe that anyone actually reads this anyway. It's just more of a personal record of my thoughts and though process. Life has suddenly become very busy. Between work, school, ultimate (which has sadly taken the back burner compared to other things), and theater I am being torn in all directions. I just can't manage to find a bit of free time outside of break, besides most of my free time over break was because I passed off my hours at work to someone else, or opted not to go on the family trip. I find that even getting a day or two here and there is helpful at this point. I don't know how I'm going to do it starting next week, where I'll have probably four days of rehearsals and two to three days of work (school Monday - Thursday from 7:30am-6pm [long because of rehearsal], school Friday from 7:30am to 4:30pm, followed immediately by work from 5pm-9:30pm or later depending on the job at hand, work Saturday from at least 11am-6pm, potentially longer and potentially work on Sunday). I can't find even a moment to take a deep breathe. Not to mention Governor's school auditions are looming ever closer...and I still haven't received my letter. I'm getting more and more nervous about the whole situation each day.

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On a smaller, and very likely brighter note, I'll be 17 in less then 48 hours. It's so hard to believe that this whole year has flown by. I even promised myself I wouldn't have a party, better yet, my friend is planning one. This means I don't have to do a thing for it, and I still get to see everyone. It's so exciting to know my friends have my back like that. This birthday, despite having to work on it, is really shaping up to be the best one I've had yet. I can revisit some awfully bad stories, so let's do that now just as a comparison.

Age 16- My last attempt to throw a party, 40+ people were invited, 5 people showed up. My mom gave me my baby clothes as a gift. This one was pretty discouraging.

Age 13- Got sick and threw up during birthday dinner at Kanki.

Age 8 or 9 (unsure)- My dad's suicide attempt came less then a week after this one. I don't even remember my birthday for this year.

Age 7- The plumbing went out in my house, totally out, with like 20 people over. My dad over-reacted, as many with clinical depression do, and trying to get a plumber out to a rural neighborhood at 10pm New Years Eve is nearly impossible.

I don't really remember my other birthdays honestly, which is such a shame. It's probably because of what happened with my Dad around the same time of year. I wish that things like that wouldn't stick with me, it would be much easier just to forget about the whole issue, or person...

 Either way, this year is definitely going to be a HUGE boost from all of those sad experiences. I can't wait for the pool, ping pong, Wii games, bonfires, fireworks, and awesome adventures with my friends. It's going to be amazing, even possibly epic.

Day 2

Evening again.

No real change on the family front, my mom is still searching for new employment.

I feel like I am finding him on my mind a lot. It's honestly more stressful then one would think, having a minor crush. I think that what makes it worse is that I really can't tell what he thinks. Obviously, I'm not disliked as a person, but does that mean that I am liked? I just think that high school relationships are really over rated, but liking someone isn't a crime. Will anything come from it? Probably not.

As I push him out of my thoughts, I find that not a lot else comes forward. The new stress of my life is about to start. T-minus 3 days until RENT. I'm trying to distract myself by watching "Words, Words, Words." I didn't think that I'd be such a huge fan of Bo Burnham. I don't even know why I like his stand up act so much, but his song "Rant" is pretty much amazing. I already quoted "Art is Dead" yesterday...let's have another, more humorous, quote.

"I'm a gay sea otter, I blow other dudes out of the water."

Random, yes. Funny, also a yes. The whole song itself is pretty funny, the music video is kind of strange though, so not really worth watching in my opinion.  Definitely look up this song if you like white comedians trying to act like rappers. It's pretty freaking funny. Title is "Words, Words, Words" not to be confused with the movie of his stand up (same name).

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I'm definitely not having a great day though...I mean aside from the bitter cold, only one other thing was really bothering me. I left my phone on my bus, again. First time this year though. Thankfully I have the same bus driver, and he has always found it, I hope this time is no exception. I tend to sleep on my bus, and it must have fallen out of my coat pocket. I hope that none of the kiddies on my bus are thieves. So far, I've been lucky. Let's keep it that way. 

On a better note: I'm really looking forward to going to see the new Chronicles of Narnia movie. It should be pretty much freaking awesome (I wanted to say f***ing so badly right there, but let's keep the cursing to a minimum right....PG....17?). I guess it doesn't matter too much...mostly because this is quickly becoming a way for me to express my thoughts as they come to my mind. Hence why most of it makes very little sense....

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PS: I want a car.

PSS: I will be back tomorrow....

Evening!

Evening everyone. This is my first post on blogspot, I feel as though it will be used far more as a place to rant or discuss more intimate issues in my life. I find it hard to vent to people over facebook or deviantart, or other community websites, so this is my fall back. A blog is meant to discuss things in someone's life, am I right?

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So recently I've been listening to a lot of Bo Burnham, who is a fairly interesting comedian in my opinion. I'm sure his parents are questioning ever getting him piano lessons considering the songs he is writing with them. Either way, one of his songs is where I got the title to my blog. So the title may seem a little strange, here is the quote from the song in which it came from.
 
"I am an artist, please god forgive me. I am an artist, please don't revere me. I am an artist, please don't respect me. I am an artist, feel free to correct me. A self-centered artist, a self-obsessed artist, I am an artist."

 The quote probably seems awfully harsh all things considered. It's kind of just like the story to my life right now. I get a lot of credit for drawing and sculpting, and being so involved in art, but it's not worth it. I don't think it's something to be respected in my case, It's all an act.

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Anyway, as for my personal life. This past week has been really brutal overall, thankfully today was a new day to a new week, and things can only look up now. I'm still dealing with my mom's recent loss of employment, as well as issues with my dad. I try to keep them relatively quiet though, it's hard to really discuss him with anyone.

Less pressing issues include work, school, and so on. Rent will be starting this week, to some degree anyway. At least it's only one day, and I don't have work to conflict with it. In two weeks winter break will start, which means two weeks off. Thankfully, it should come just in time. Maybe I will be able to pick up some extra hours at work over the few weeks off. The money could definitely be used.

More on all this later, perhaps tomorrow...we'll have to see.